Phones ringing – Be there in a minute says Frosty – AllDay and I are coming together tonight – AllDay is just searching for the right spot to park his vehicle. Flauntits moans into her phone Where the F*ckRWe – Nah this is not Fookawee - Hand Job here – just follow AllDay – he is on the right track heading for the right spot. The hash crowd descends upon the peaceful streets of Pymble, including the renowned hasher Bigamist visiting from the Hashing Hall of Fame.
Over here, NOW - instructs Ossmozzes. Ohhh he must be having a bad hare day. Form a tight circle says the RA LoveBra. A circle of dubious quality forms. Pieces of white paper with pink and blue drawings are handed out by the Hair – Ossie has been in therapy again. The Hair must be on a mission tonight - or perhaps a promise – no formal proceedings by the RA – no introduction of visitors or hash prayer and 1/2 ar*ed instructions given. Maybe, then again maybe not, you will see arrows and if no arrows like this – scribble scribble on the pavement – then you may or may not see tiny inseewinsee – more words from Ossies therapy class, flour feet. And YES, there is a devine port stop after you venture through the grassy field. Nice – there have been port stops on Grassy Knolls, Grassy Knobs and now Grassy Fields.
With Ossies therapy paperwork firmly clutched in hot little hashing hands off the pack set following Ossie to the corner. A Sergeant Major would have been proud of Ossie’s about turn – heels clicking – only follow me if you want to go straight to the port stop. And off he stomped. MMMM, perhaps should look at these pieces of paper more closely. MMMM yes they do resemble a map. Walkers blue line, Runners Pink line or could be vice versa. Smart lot hashers.
Runners and walkers together then the first W & R Split. The runners lead by the FRB's and Ossies Artwork, the walkers lead by the QWB and Ossies Artwork. Up and down some streets, Lookie Lookie Ossies tiny inseebinsee flour feet showing us the way twitters Fookawee - perhaps she also is ready for therapy - on on, ring ring no hasher in their right frame of mind answers the phone on a run obviously Karena was out of her frame - yes if you go a little bit left then a little bit right then keep coming you will find the right spot - I will be waiting for you - oh dear - onon up - on down till inon through the Grassy Field to the DPS (Divine Port Stop). There dispensing the priceless Port perched upon a devine wooden stump, was Ossie - with hash hare helper Fookawee dispensing the sweets. Everyone was really impressed with Ossies Stump. Enough fun has been had here - right go - left grumbled Mr On-a-Mission Hare keep marching until you see the R & W split - dont dawdle. Bigamist who had been a FRB had now become a QWB - he could no longer forge ahead as his mind kept wandering back to Fookawee and her sweets. Then it was OnOn home to where it had all begun 3/4 of an hour before.
Frosty with helper AllDaySuckHer were there dispensing the much longed for infusion of alcoholic beverage. The RA brought the rabble rousing rabble to attention. The RA welcomed the visitors - Bigamist - Larrikins and Bad Habits - Thirsty. The RA called for a runners report - Bigamist volunteered with the help of a little push into the circle from an unidentified hasher. Articulated dribble was forthcoming from the run reporter - Wanderers should take note on how to deliver such crap so eloquently. 8+ minus plus blah blah blah equals. . . . the walkers report was delivered by LoveBra but no one cared. Plus/Minus/Plus = -10 + runners report = +10.
The usual down down was given to the hare for a more crappie than usual run with Flauntits acting as acting assistant Beer Wench - Pluggher has been called away to visit some far off land with the initials U and K. Some charges from the circle - too memorable to mention. It was almost over then . . . . a naming. Karena for being outside her frame of mind in answering the mobile on a run/walk. Ashmore being the gentleman he is - puk - tried very hard to put words in the right order to make a sentence as to why Karena should be named CALL GIRL. A unanimous nod of hash heads confirmed that Ashmore had indeed got his words in the right order. The ground was prepared with the spillage of beer, the RA did his thing that was invested in him to perform a naming. Karena forever after from here onin will be known as CALL GIRL.
It was nearly all over. . . then . . . . Frosty stepped into the Circle. On tippy toe Frosty did a jiggy jiggy around the circle putting HER sentences together as to why Shane should be named In Quick. Came to hash as a virgin was in like Flynn from day one, bought the Tshirt to prove it. Great name In Quick = IQ = a big fat ZERO. Again, the ground was prepared, beer spillage plus ice. Again the RA did his invested in him thing. Shane shall forever after from here onin be known as IQ = Zero.
Call Girl and IQ were called to gether for a photo shoot now it was all over - Almost - Bigamist was called into the circle to give the location for the June Long Weekend Joint Run - quote unquote How the F*ck would I know. Hashers are still madly Googling Whereis.com to find this location.
The Prick of the Week Shirt is still with the Prick Trust Me and on its way to Poland. Hey Marelene and Boycee will be interesting to see if it passes quarantine on the way back into Sydney.
Now it was definately on to the onin for $10 steaks and free beer which in actual fact were $11 steaks with free beer but the Pymble Hotel heard there were a number of hashers coming to dinner and they know ar*se and class when they see it - so upped the prices. But not by much.
Most hashers saw fit to eat at the main table but there was a select few who sat at a secluded table in the corner sharing . . . . what exactly. . ..
Was an excellent onin.
The following sore fit to join the Monday night onin:
JaneBond - brought class and manners to the dinner table
GayDog - same as ever - cocking his leg at every opportunity. Come back and bring PinkTitBits with you
BrenGun - obviously still too piss to pissed to travel to Ah Seoul Ah Seoul
Allison - Fookawee's daughter - too smart and too pretty to be Ossmozzes daughter
Then it was on home. . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
OnOn
Anon the Writer
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