Killerhillscratchedmypills

THE KILLER HILL RUN 2010 (thats the year not the run number)

(attached is evidence that there really is a killer hill in Eastwood)

Karma was very wise to stay home and look after those lovely legs of hers, first late comer - Running Bear - took one look at hill number one - then decided it was less stressful to go play with traffic on Victoria Road; the second late comer -or did they come together - Ashmore stayed rugged up and listened to the footie on his car wireless. WANKERS - not you Karma.

The pack gathered – ho de hum – the RA formed the circle and introductions were made - there was a visitor from the Solomon Islands – Serial Killer - how appropriate on the night of the Killer run – 2 more visitors were to join this Killer run later.

Instructions were given by TART and his newly appointed co-hare In Quick. In Quick and a TART there has to be something said for that feel good relationship. TART handed out maps - Trust Me was beside himself (just the two of him) when he found to his horror the maps were laminated – thought it might have been raining lamented TART. Acting Trail Master Trust Me found the stiffness not to his liking - rubbing through his pocket onto the inside of his leg.

Off the pack set, runners and walkers together till they passed the railway station at Cheltham then THE split. One hill after another. . . . then something different another hill, bushland and steps, down down - up up. Out of the bush onto more streets and more hills. The runners walkers crossed over – cant be too much further but it was. There was a cry ‘are you’ and out of the mist stepped two foreign spies – Local Knowledge from the UK and JustChris all the way from Fairlight, Sydneys Northern Beaches. They were also late coming together but caught up with the pack with some ingenious short cuts and no local knowledge.

When it looked like the Killer Hill was just a TART fantasy there it was – ohh ahh’s were exclaimed then up up up and a most magnificent sight to behold – TART and In Quick with the resuscitation package – oxygen - port/lollies/lemonade - an esky full of ice – how thoughtful on a cold night. AllDay proceeded to open the lemonade only to have it spray all over Hand Job - must have been the high altitude – AllDay removed the offending liquid from Hand Jobs clothing and body parts the best he could.

The hashers admired the city lights of EastWood – then it was off – walkers runners together. Trust Me with his laminated map used his genious and chalk to mark a long runner trail to on home. The walkers set off at a fast pace - needed a run up to get down the first hill.

On on and on home. Well set run - walkers/runners getting to the bucket within 10 minutes of each other. At the bucket Local Knowledge noticed he had slashed his tyre mmmm - how many hashers does it take to change a tyre!

The circle formed and the RA called for the walkers report - Ossie expressed himself admirably and gave the run a number out of 10. Running Bear was called to give the runners report - in true RB's reporting style it appeared that RB was somewhere else tonight - he is a volunteer for the hash trash make-it-up-as-you-go writers wrag reporter for the year 2011. A score was a 10+ for an excellent virgin run set by a non-virgin in virgin Wanderer Territory. A down down to the hare and his happy helper IQ. The visitors were welcomed. Down downs to the late comers, RB and Ashmore. A down down from Hand Job to TART and In Quick for same sex love letters. Fookawee did a fine job as acting song mistress, the assistant male beer wench persisted when others would have given up and hash flash #2 AhSole was a happy snapper. It was discovered all too late that the Prick T Shirt was still in its fumigation bag courtesy of Australian Customs.

Then it was on off to the West Ryde hotel for the onon - but they heard there were rabble rousers approaching and quickly locked and barred the doors. The search was on for an alternative onon - one was found in the form of the West Ryde Chinese Restaurant - best chinese food this side of China - which just happened to be right next door to the adult fun shop Funtasia. Much frivolity prevailed at the onon then it was on over. Here endeth another funtastic Wanderers night of hashing.

onon

Anon the Writer

Ozziemozziemyarseisitchy

Phones ringing – Be there in a minute says Frosty – AllDay and I are coming together tonight – AllDay is just searching for the right spot to park his vehicle. Flauntits moans into her phone Where the F*ckRWe – Nah this is not Fookawee - Hand Job here – just follow AllDay – he is on the right track heading for the right spot. The hash crowd descends upon the peaceful streets of Pymble, including the renowned hasher Bigamist visiting from the Hashing Hall of Fame.

Over here, NOW - instructs Ossmozzes. Ohhh he must be having a bad hare day. Form a tight circle says the RA LoveBra. A circle of dubious quality forms. Pieces of white paper with pink and blue drawings are handed out by the Hair – Ossie has been in therapy again. The Hair must be on a mission tonight - or perhaps a promise – no formal proceedings by the RA – no introduction of visitors or hash prayer and 1/2 ar*ed instructions given. Maybe, then again maybe not, you will see arrows and if no arrows like this – scribble scribble on the pavement – then you may or may not see tiny inseewinsee – more words from Ossies therapy class, flour feet. And YES, there is a devine port stop after you venture through the grassy field. Nice – there have been port stops on Grassy Knolls, Grassy Knobs and now Grassy Fields.

With Ossies therapy paperwork firmly clutched in hot little hashing hands off the pack set following Ossie to the corner. A Sergeant Major would have been proud of Ossie’s about turn – heels clicking – only follow me if you want to go straight to the port stop. And off he stomped. MMMM, perhaps should look at these pieces of paper more closely. MMMM yes they do resemble a map. Walkers blue line, Runners Pink line or could be vice versa. Smart lot hashers.

Runners and walkers together then the first W & R Split. The runners lead by the FRB's and Ossies Artwork, the walkers lead by the QWB and Ossies Artwork. Up and down some streets, Lookie Lookie Ossies tiny inseebinsee flour feet showing us the way twitters Fookawee - perhaps she also is ready for therapy - on on, ring ring no hasher in their right frame of mind answers the phone on a run obviously Karena was out of her frame - yes if you go a little bit left then a little bit right then keep coming you will find the right spot - I will be waiting for you - oh dear - onon up - on down till inon through the Grassy Field to the DPS (Divine Port Stop). There dispensing the priceless Port perched upon a devine wooden stump, was Ossie - with hash hare helper Fookawee dispensing the sweets. Everyone was really impressed with Ossies Stump. Enough fun has been had here - right go - left grumbled Mr On-a-Mission Hare keep marching until you see the R & W split - dont dawdle. Bigamist who had been a FRB had now become a QWB - he could no longer forge ahead as his mind kept wandering back to Fookawee and her sweets. Then it was OnOn home to where it had all begun 3/4 of an hour before.

Frosty with helper AllDaySuckHer were there dispensing the much longed for infusion of alcoholic beverage. The RA brought the rabble rousing rabble to attention. The RA welcomed the visitors - Bigamist - Larrikins and Bad Habits - Thirsty. The RA called for a runners report - Bigamist volunteered with the help of a little push into the circle from an unidentified hasher. Articulated dribble was forthcoming from the run reporter - Wanderers should take note on how to deliver such crap so eloquently. 8+ minus plus blah blah blah equals. . . . the walkers report was delivered by LoveBra but no one cared. Plus/Minus/Plus = -10 + runners report = +10.

The usual down down was given to the hare for a more crappie than usual run with Flauntits acting as acting assistant Beer Wench - Pluggher has been called away to visit some far off land with the initials U and K. Some charges from the circle - too memorable to mention. It was almost over then . . . . a naming. Karena for being outside her frame of mind in answering the mobile on a run/walk. Ashmore being the gentleman he is - puk - tried very hard to put words in the right order to make a sentence as to why Karena should be named CALL GIRL. A unanimous nod of hash heads confirmed that Ashmore had indeed got his words in the right order. The ground was prepared with the spillage of beer, the RA did his thing that was invested in him to perform a naming. Karena forever after from here onin will be known as CALL GIRL.

It was nearly all over. . . then . . . . Frosty stepped into the Circle. On tippy toe Frosty did a jiggy jiggy around the circle putting HER sentences together as to why Shane should be named In Quick. Came to hash as a virgin was in like Flynn from day one, bought the Tshirt to prove it. Great name In Quick = IQ = a big fat ZERO. Again, the ground was prepared, beer spillage plus ice. Again the RA did his invested in him thing. Shane shall forever after from here onin be known as IQ = Zero.

Call Girl and IQ were called to gether for a photo shoot now it was all over - Almost - Bigamist was called into the circle to give the location for the June Long Weekend Joint Run - quote unquote How the F*ck would I know. Hashers are still madly Googling Whereis.com to find this location.

The Prick of the Week Shirt is still with the Prick Trust Me and on its way to Poland. Hey Marelene and Boycee will be interesting to see if it passes quarantine on the way back into Sydney.

Now it was definately on to the onin for $10 steaks and free beer which in actual fact were $11 steaks with free beer but the Pymble Hotel heard there were a number of hashers coming to dinner and they know ar*se and class when they see it - so upped the prices. But not by much.

Most hashers saw fit to eat at the main table but there was a select few who sat at a secluded table in the corner sharing . . . . what exactly. . ..

Was an excellent onin.

The following sore fit to join the Monday night onin:

JaneBond - brought class and manners to the dinner table

GayDog - same as ever - cocking his leg at every opportunity. Come back and bring PinkTitBits with you

BrenGun - obviously still too piss to pissed to travel to Ah Seoul Ah Seoul

Allison - Fookawee's daughter - too smart and too pretty to be Ossmozzes daughter

Then it was on home. . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

OnOn

Anon the Writer